It’s often hard to explain how we’re feeling during moments of extreme loss. Losing someone especially close to us, especially at a young age, is outside most people’s realm of experience. And very few people who’ve gone through that loss would ever want to change the fact. We more than anyone else want people to live as full and happy a life as possible. And to ideally spend that time with their loved ones.
This is part of what makes loss so difficult. We’re usually in a huge amount of pain and others can’t really understand the scope of it. Because one can’t understand it without having been through that exact same type of pain. One can’t feel it, but one can understand it. And that’s one of the larger struggles one experiences with this type of loss. The person who’s suffering has two needs. They want others to understand their pain. And at the same time they’re seeking to understand it as well.
An outside observer is faced with a particular challenge there. They’re usually at a loss for a way to demonstrate empathy while also helping the suffering person heal. This can be better understood with a more specific example. We can consider the case of a grieving widow. She’s lost her young husband to cancer and is struggling to come to terms with the life which now lays ahead of her.
One method to help is by simply talking it out. This is usually the best first step to begin with no matter what. In this case a friend could ask the new widow if there’s anything she could do to help. She might also ask if company would be appreciated. If it’s the case, than bringing a gift is appropriate as well.
In cases of cremation this brings up a chance for something really special. In our example, one would again want to talk the idea over with the new widow. But if she was open to it than something like a memento mori might be appropriate. They’re traditionally a reminder of one’s own mortality. But more recently they’re becoming a way of remembering and honoring the deceased as well. And one of the more popular forms is a Bullet Necklace for Ashes. These can contain the remains of someone. In this case it would be the ashes of her husband.
It would mean that she would always be able to have not just a reminder of her husband, but a piece of him with her at all times. And not just anywhere either. The reminder would quite literally always be close to her heart. It’s even more helpful for the fact that it doesn’t insist on the event itself. When one has been widowed, the conversations surrounded it can become tiresome. But this is a form of mourning which won’t be obvious to the public. They’ll simply see a beautiful piece of jewelry. But the person wearing it will be able to see it as a connection to their special someone. And if it’s a gift she might be reminded of the fact that a friend has managed to understand part of what she’s going through.